Craaazy Tired (Yes, I used the "C" word!)

Things are still so remarkably good, I'm counting my blessings all the time.  The small danger with this is that I have my rose colored glasses firmly in place, and I tend to overlook warning signs and smallish issues that I honestly need to stay on top of.  So, this is me, trying to stay real while enjoying a completely different world.

Lily is doing well in school.  She doesn't always want to be there, and keeping her on track with attendance will be my challenge.  So far, I've been able to get her to hang in there, even when she calls me because she doesn't feel well.  That's a huge accomplishment!  Having the school on board with that is amazing.

The IEP meeting is coming up, and her therapist will be there, so I feel really good about getting what we need.  Her english teacher may not be a great fit, but that doesn't mean she can't handle it.  I'm keeping very close tabs on her school experience.

So, yeah, I'm tired.  Still trying to accommodate Lily and her brother enough so that they stay unstressed with homework and on track.  I bounce back and forth between them for homework help when I should also be getting some of my own homework done.  But that's largely an issue of time management for me.  I don't have tons of time because of the driving I do every day, but I can get more disciplined about what I focus on.  And the kids both willingly participated in sharing chores on the weekend for some collective house cleaning.  Awesome!

My time management challenge is about the fact that I actually have some now and I want to sleep and visit people and take long walks and shop and read and veg out and go to the beach and on and on . . . all the things I've been missing out on.  But it is time to get serious about my classwork so that I don't get too stressed.

Going to dance classes on the weekend has been absolutely fabulous.  I'm remembering how much I really love dance.  I learned the fox trot last weekend and had so much fun - I feel a little bit like the old me, before kids and other obligations.  I'm not wishing away my kids, who I adore with nearly everything in me, nor am I rewriting my awful childhood.  But I do remember having dreams and a certainty that I could accomplish whatever I chose.  I still have that core belief, along with an understanding that nothing worthwhile will come without a lot of work.

So right at this moment in time, life is good, I'm happy and grateful and feel like we're on a very good path.

Thank you, and goodnight.

Blissful Moments

Do you hear that?  The long, soft, quiet sigh?  That's me, breathing through the end of Lily's second week in school . . . aaaahhhh . . .

It's premature as tomorrow is Friday, but today was a landmark day.  I dropped Lily off at 7:40 this morning, and before I could get on the freeway, she called to say she didn't feel well and would be calling after turning in her work, to come home.  I asked her to hang in there, try to breathe deep and stick it out.  Then I phoned the school psychologist, who graciously informed me that they have a plan in place for Lily.

Oh - My - Goodness.  Really.  They have agreed to route Lily through the nurse's office to her case manager/tutorial teacher, who will then work with Lily to help her regain her composure and stay in school.  And it worked.  The last couple of years at middle school, the office always had Lily call me to come and pick her up if she came in with a somatic complaint.  I always felt I had no choice.  If the nurse calls, you go pick up your kid.

Until now.  They're on it.

So I went to my classes.  I admired the sun and mountains and reservoir on the way.  I got to campus early and nibbled on watermelon and read before class.  Then I waltzed and spun and laughed.  I sat through my philosophy lecture without dozing off.  I had a healthy sandwich for lunch and then went for a swim.

Is this my life?  I feel almost like I'm dreaming, but not quite, because I don't want to miss one moment of each blessed day.  I'm listening to music I like, walking, feeling a delicious sense of peace that I've so missed.

And Lily is cracking jokes, doing her homework, getting up and pulling her things together for her day.  She looks really good, happy a lot more, and less zoned out.

That's not to say things are perfect.  She can still have emotional outbursts and be difficult when she's upset.  But the periods of happiness and productivity are amazing.  This is so good for all of us.

A Good Week!

Considering this is my first official month of retirement, it's been awfully busy.  But we're getting so much done - it's both exhausting and exhilarating.  I have health benefits through the end of the month, so all medical, dental and vision check ups have been in full swing.  Vaccinations, fillings, crowns . . . we're happy to be getting that stuff done.  Strange, I know.

But the best news for now is that I had an intake with the county psychiatrist to push through an evaluation for Lily in connection with her IEP.  This professional was wonderful - insightful, patient, thorough.  She indicated she'd push for an extradited process because she knows we're trying to get Lily's psychiatric care set up for continuity as we change health plans on August 1.  She offered to help.  Offered.  I went a little crazy and got a mocha frappuccino to celebrate on my way home!

Being busy has been a blessing in some ways.  Lily will be on crutches for another 4 weeks, she needs to be kept occupied, and I'm dying to get out of the house.  We've been so busy running off to appointments that we haven't had time to dwell on any of that.    I still have creative/summery things I'd like to do before we're all back in school, but I'll have to be patient about fitting in those fun projects.

Lily is more calm these days, perhaps a result of the introduction of Risperdal as we titrate down on Zyprexa.  She still gets anxious about what school she'll go to this fall, she wants answers now.  Gee, where'd she get that?

What I know for sure, is that in this moment, on this day, we're OK.  I'll take that.