Lily and I had an interesting little incident last night. We were in and out of urgent care, three times last week, for her headache pain. After examinations, sinus x-rays and a CT scan, the doctors being consulted put their heads together and agreed that she most likely has a mild sinus infection being exacerbated by seasonal allergies. She’s on an antibiotic and allergy medicine in addition to her regular meds. Because the antibiotic is contraindicated with her acid reflux med, she has to avoid taking them at the same time.
As a result, her stomach is upset, compounding her discomfort. I understand. I’ve offered many home remedies in addition to the meds (saltines, flat coke, hot tea). She won’t try the home remedies.
Last night she wanted me to take her to the emergency room at the local hospital. I explained that we didn’t need to go, based on the test results and the advice of the doctors. Lily became agitated and began crying and yelling. Then she pulled out a previously effective tool, making crazy faces at me. I realize this sounds insensitive, but here’s the thing, it’s nonsense. She’s acting out, trying to convince me she’s going into psychosis. This time last year, I was doing everything in my power to appease her and calm her down. Which sometimes worked and sometimes didn’t. Her new therapist has weighed in, saying she believes Lily does not have psychosis. Does. Not.
Which doesn’t mean Lily doesn’t think she has psychosis. But for me, it means we can, and are, working to get back to a normal level of relating and holding healthy family boundaries. Which also means, Lily gets her way far less often than she did all last year.
But remember, Lily is the most doggedly determined being I know. So when I refused to take her to ER and suggested she go to bed, she called 911. Yeah.
The sheriff came calling. Two deputies actually. One spoke with Lily, one spoke with me. I explained, clarifying the events of the last week and Lily’s medical and psychological issues. Bear in mind, that while making her 911 call and speaking to the deputies in person, Lily was calm, articulate, and clearly not in physical distress.
So we had an evening of Lily drama. Better drama than when I was terrified that she was losing her mind. I’d much rather deal with a difficult teen than a child suffering from psychosis. It’s just a lot less scary. But that doesn’t mean I’m interested in taking on behavior problems right now. I’ve missed three weeks of Monday classes because it’s hard to get Lily back to school Monday morning. She is making progress, but as usual I want more.
I sound greedy, I am greedy, but I’m ready to have a life again, with moments that don’t revolve around Lily. We’re actually pretty far from that. But much of the time I spend on Lily these days is at least more productive. I can help her with homework, facilitate a cooking project, or just talk and laugh together. It’s mostly so much better, vastly better than even a few months ago. But I still exist in a Lily centered household. We need more balance.